last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
