I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
