dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
