Please, let me fuck your mom
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
