just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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