I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
