The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
