This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
