I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
