My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
