She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
