We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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