there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's shark week go big or go home
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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