For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
