Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
