I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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