Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize