I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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