I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
