There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
