Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize