I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
