Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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