im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
