they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
