just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
