I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
