Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
