Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
