i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
