Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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