Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
