What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
