guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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