when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
