3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
