I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
