i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
