she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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