dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
