I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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