Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
