Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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