oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
