I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
