We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
