Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
