You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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