I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
