I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
