youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
