I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My life is pants optional.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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