One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sarcasm needs its own font
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize