I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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