kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
