I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
