This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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