oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize