How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
