Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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