i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
