even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wear drunk well.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize