a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
