So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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