so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I forget how to act sober
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
