he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
