my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
