you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
