Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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(845): View more from New York

It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.

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(925): View more from California

make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time

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(819): View more from Quebec

I woke up to her vacumming the grass

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(432): View more from Texas

To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway

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(330): View more from Ohio

So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

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(201): View more from New Jersey

No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky

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(647): View more from Ontario

The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.

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