Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize