Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
