Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
