Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize