Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
