I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
