i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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