Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
