i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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