my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
