I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was born a porn star she said
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
