Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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