In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
