I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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