also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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