She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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