I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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