i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
