i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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