Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
