rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
