my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
