I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize