At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
