Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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