Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
