Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it's great music for shaving your balls
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
