are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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