he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
